My First Love

It was September 15th 2013, pleasant Sunday morning in Bangalore. Traffic as usual and clear sky. The church starts at 9:30 PM, I lived in BTM layout closer to work you see. I got up had small fight with my room mate about lunch, who will buy stuff as usual. Cleaned myself up and started my two wheeler, Honda activa, put on my fancy helmet [ as if i am riding a harley :)]. On the way to my church had a small chai, got on to the main road. Reached just about time before church starts. Just remember that pastor had a tough talk previous Sunday about being late to church.

Worship started and I indulged myself in the presence of God. Little did i know that my heart will be gripped with love today. This Sunday was special because it was baptism service. Those of you who don’t what it is. It is most auspicious day for any born again christian, as his/her old self is buried and new born again child is resurrected in christ.

The announcement was made for a daughter and father duo’s baptism. I was so curious to know who they are  and wanted  to see their dedication for the love of christ. The father went in to take baptism, he is dark in complexion, smile like a child, little less hair, larger figure. As he went in the water it splashed as if it was excited. He read few letters, may be a vow or a covenant with God.

Then came the daughter into baptism, I could not see her face. I said “i was so curious”, so i took my iPhone 4s ( a new one ) and started clicking pictures/videos. She went in the water and in minutes new born again girl started to come out of water. It was like a slow motion movie, my heart started to race like i was running in 100m dash. I did not tell you i am footballer, never mind. Firstly her hair approached the surface, it was dark black like a painting so spongy on the very look of it.  It took me into cloud number X, wait may be Y. I looked around to see if every one else feeling the same. All people around me was praising god or clapping or may be chit chatting.

My eyes became bright as though thousands galaxies collided. And then her fore head started to emerge out of water, it was long like a Highway 10 saudi arabia and had minute nerve dividing her forehead. I felt like choking and was gasping for air. I thanked god, oh God you’re a great sculpture. It seemed like hour before the forehead finally ended with her eyebrows like a thick amazon forest. It was calling me into a trans state. I completed lost my mind.

As my mind was comprehending the quality of her eyebrows, suddenly a lighting was stuck. It was her eyes, so gorgeous, clean, black eye balls, so innocent. I could still see her eyes as I write this down. My spirit patted on my shoulder as my mind and body was completely in zombie state. I was paralyzed and some thing in my stomach flying could be a butterfly. As my own self was in excited state she emerged out of water and she was called Abigail Fernandez. Gorgeous from head to toe, not the way you imagine but divine, like an angel in flesh.

This name Abigail F. kept on ringing in my mind and i could hear it even when i sleep. She gave me a purpose in my life and suddenly everything was gorgeous. It happened all of a sudden, yes its right. I was not prepared for it and was not anticipating. Church service was over and i was not wiling to go home. I stayed there and just basking in the mere sight of her. All people in church were swept away and i was asked to leave the church.

I drove to my room not knowing what to do. This is a new feeling which i never experienced, it kept me from eating. I started to repeat her name in sub conscious. In a nut shell, i panicked and fell into deep hole which does not bottom out. Next Sunday, I was excited to attend church and chose a seat diagonally opposite Abi, hmm thats her nick name now. I barely knew that girls have intuition may be they are born physic. In the middle of service she turned and looked at me and made pig mouth ( My grandma does this when she is very angry, how does abi knew my grandma reaction ), oh God i wet my pants. I am shy guy, but her dad was a gigantic, heavy weight. He can crush me into a mash potatoes in just one blow.

My next step is to talk to Abi, but my body was not co-operating. It starts to shiver just a feet away from her. So i took a passive way, that is Facebook. I started messaging her, compliments, suggestions, thanks, prayer, whatever my friends as asked me to send her. It was like a one way traffic, she never replies but reads even it is mid night. I wanted to propose her on 2013 christmas.

On 23rd December, 2013 i messaged her this “I wanted to tell you something for a very long time, i am praying for god’s guidance” . I pressed send and just a fraction of second she blocked, she thought i am a stalker. My whole world crushed down, all my virtual dreams shattered. I went into the washroom and started crying, I hit on the wall for being a coward. Until now i am not able to forgive myself for that moment. I started cursing myself for being a coward, shy, socially awkward. She will never know how much i loved her, Oh God please give me another chance.

Thanks for reading. Just a word of advice don’t bottle up your feelings. If you like someone just let them know. Life is very short.